King Tides….

King tide is a colloquial term for an especially high tide, such as a perigean spring tide. “King tide” is not a scientific term, nor is it used in a scientific context.

When there is an especially high tide, there is usually and equally low tide.

This is how my journey has been feeling recently. I haven’t written for awhile as I just haven’t had the energy or time. Have had some major highs and exceptional lows.

When I did my degree back in the days I did a short paper of sport psych. I learnt back then about setting too higher goals and what could happen with that. Well, any goal really.

Have you ever felt like this? Set a goal, work real hard for it and when you finally reach it you are either real happy and excited or a bit meh. Then you crash, and get super low?  That’s me and I always do it!  Not just in sport either, study, work, life…

You see it proves that it is the journey that is important and not the outcome. You spend all that time working really hard on achieving the goal, so many ups and downs, challenges, late nights and all.  The learning is in there, not the outcome.  This is exactly what I have been trying to work on, being present, mindful of all those little lessons.  What use is something after the fact? Or in the future? The present is most important as you can never recreate that scenario, the mood, time, etc….

Its been four months since I had my baby Hinatea. And I have actually achieved a lot and I am in really good shape considering. I see that now. But it took me awhile. I have a tendency to set really high expectations for myself, as we all generally do.

I managed to qualify at Regionals for Waka Ama sprints, my main goal while I was hapu (pregnant). And then I  made the semi finals at Nationals, just 3 months after baby was born.   Then I ended up paddling at one of the biggest changeover paddle races here in NZ, (Takapuna Beach Cup) 42km with a crew and we came third and scored a bronze medal. Next day I paddled the 24km Relay with my good friend (we have done this race for 3 years) and we made the podium again with a Gold! So pretty happy with that. And these were things that were not on my list, participation yes but not podium.

Whanau day at the beach.

Taking gold on the podium with my team mate.

Another thing I am guilty of is not celebrating the achievement. So this time around I have hung my gold medal up on my rear vision mirror in my car to remind me daily not only of that success but everything else leading up to it.

I guess what I am trying to say is  I learnt a lot of stuff from that weekend of racing, about myself, what makes me tick, and priorities.

It was a pretty stressful weekend to start with, family wise. It made me rethink how I balance my family and my love for paddling and competition. I refuse to give up and I am determined to find a way.  I know every other paddler probably feels the same.  Whenever anything happens to me now, before reacting or overreacting I say to myself five little words and it really helps, “It is what it is”. It really helps me to put perspective on whats going on, and calm my farm before I lose it.

To finish I remind myself daily of some key words from a poem brought to my attention from an Evening with Oprah, (Invictus, William E Henley), “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul”.

On the way to gold Takapuna Beach Cup.

Thank you all for your support and for listening, this has been really helpful in my journey.

Much aroha

Hiria 🙂

#imagine #believe #achieve

What Mask are you wearing today?

Kia ora everyone!

OMG where has the time gone? I had a quiet week or two there for a moment. I let a few things pull me down a little.  Blame it on the pregnancy hormones who knows? I am now at 34 weeks! This brings me to my ramble for the day and what mask I am wearing. Last week was my ‘I’m ok’ mask. What’s yours?

In my last pregnancy I had my boy at 34 weeks. I ended up with shingles, a strain of chicken pox brought about by stress.  It was a pretty stressful time as we had our retail store then as well as our SUP School, our little girl and the many other projects I always have going on.

I noticed the pregnancy was harder than any of my others, it was a pretty dark time (not that anyone would have really known). Pretty good at keeping those things to myself. I thought that it would change once boy was born but it just got worse.  My depression just seemed to intensify. I wasn’t really coping at all and my family were starting to pay the price for it.  It has taken me nearly 3 years to get back on track to coping and setting new goals.

I live in an area where there is very high suicide rates for young and old. After watching Mike King on Maori TV last week in Rotorua talking about his journey and seeing all these teenagers sharing their feeling and hurt I felt i needed to say more on the topic. mike King is right, there is no one size fits all for people who suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies. So the current programmes are not really working. It needs to be individualised as that is where the problem lies.

Once you get into that dark hole it is really hard to get out of it. I have been to counsellors in the past and to see a doctor but nothing ever helped me. I don’t take medication because I truly believe that at the end of the day it’s my choice and I need to overcome those negative thoughts in my head. I am scared to take medication incase I get trapped in that vicious cycle.

What I have learned over the years is to have a mental backpack or kete of coping strategies ready for when I have a ‘down day’. The hardest thing for me has been to recognise the behaviour and deal with it right there and then before it gets out of hand.  It’s a work in progress. some of the tools in my ‘kete’ are positive affirmations, words, goals, places to go or physical things to do. This is where the my background in taekwondo comes in handy. a sign of depression is anger and I used to have a lot of that. Which is why I got into taekwondo.  I am a 1st Degree Black Belt and have had the opportunity to represent my country (New Zealand) at the world Champs. Over the years I scored me a few medals here and there at tournaments. That physical release of energy to a bag or person was what I needed. It helped me to deal with some of the ‘madness’ I was experiencing.  It was a full on lifestyle thought and that is where I picked up more coping strategies such as the Tenets of taekwondo which are rules that we live by, courtesy, Integrity, Perseverance, Self control and Indomitable Spirit. I still follow these today in everything I do. I guess they sat really well with me as a person of Ngati Porou descent and values such as manaaki, wairuatanga etc.

It is natural to see my connection to the ocean and its healing power too. I surf for freedom, healing, clarity and vision. The ocean has such an awesome way of schooling you up. And I’ve always thought that if my life was to end early it would be to the ocean. She hasn’t taken me yet so that says something to me about being grateful for my life and the things I need to do.

Fast forward to today, I can’t say that I know everything and I don’t pretend to.
All I know is my life experience and the strategies that I have used and adapted over time to get to where I am today. I am always learning and know that sharing knowledge is the best thing we can do.  The discussion on depression needs to be out there. In saying that I have no idea how people will take it from me but I’ve learned not to worry about what other people say as it doesn’t matter. I am better than that and have goals and dreams to focus on and I will not let anyone or anything get in the way of that.

If you haven’t heard from a friend in a while, contact them and ask them how they are going. but most importantly, listen to them. Don’t try to give advice, just LISTEN. when a person is at their deepest, advice can make it worse.

If there is anything you can take from this please let it be, imagine, believe, achieve either for yourself or someone else.  you won’t know that someone is suffering unless they tell you. Mauriora,

H 🙂

#imagine #believe #achieve

#yourchoice

Pregnancy: 32 weeks

Ko Mauao te Maunga

It’s week 32 now and I’m feeling a bit blah.  I tutor waka ama (outrigger canoeing) two weekends out of a month and have to travel 3 hr return trip to do this.  I also try to balance running my own paddle business (Eastcoast Paddler Aotearoa) back home and my two little babies as well as trying to maintain contact with my eldest boy at uni. And of course there are other projects on the side that I am involved in.

You see, I am so passionate about paddling and sharing the stoke of surfing and paddling I can’t help myself.  I get so caught up in doing all these other things I forget about myself sometimes. This is where my training helps me to relax believe it or not. but this last week I have been so tired from the last weekend wananga (camp) that I haven’t been able to join my 5am club at all this week.  Throughout this pregnancy I have felt that keeping up my training has actually helped to increase my energy levels, but I do need to make sure I get enough sleep. In pregnancy you tend to start to have weird dreams and all sorts of things going on and usually training holds those off for me.  But OMG this week has been a shocker. I just can’t get out of bed before 6:30am now.  you may laugh as that will seem early enough for many of you but I’m a morning person, not a night owl. That’s when I am at my best.

So I’ve been sitting at my desk all week trying to think about the blogs and website updates I need to do and I have nothing.  Brain is on holiday. So this is all I have for you.  At least it is real. I am less than two months away from my due date now and getting really wired about that. So many feelings going on. Excited, scared, all sorts. Its good though. Shows me I’m alive.

Managed to get on the water last night for a tough sprint session with my training buddy. Really thankful to have her alongside through all this. It was just what i needed.  Of course she smoked me on the water but that’s ok. I have learnt not to compare myself but to wholly focus on myself and what I am doing in the moment .That’s where my improvements will come from.  Once I have baby though look at people!

I would love to hear from other people about how you cope with off weeks.  We all have them. The key is to just acknowledge and not let yourself get down in the dumps about I think. Listen your body and mind.

Thanks for following my journey.

H 🙂

#imagine #believe #achieve

Pregnancy: 28 weeks

Well, I’m here at 28 weeks. What a roller coaster ride its been this week! I have started back my normal training (outrigger training for sprints) and its been a doozy.

Just like when you start anything out its hard but I especially hate the starting out in sprints training.  So taxing on the body.

I missed my day one session, did day two (2 water sessions in one day) and then missed my day 3 session because I ate something that didn’t agree with me. Now, if I miss a training session I usually get pretty cranky but being pregnant has almost tripled that response! I have learned very quickly that I need to get my training in and done early or else the madness comes out!

Everyone is different and that is just me. So listening to my body and getting it done.

I had learned so much on my journey thus far about myself, my body and people around me. I get really upset when someone suggest I should take it easy. And yes, I know they are only looking out for me and bugs but honestly I have never felt better! I wish I had been this active through all my pregnancies.

The first 3 months were pretty tough with the morning sickness and I lost a lot of my strength and fitness. But since then I have been training consistently and I have even gone up in my weights. I have noticed a progression in my strength.

I am very careful and make sure I stop or modify exercises when I get an ache or tightness. Loving the fact I can still do burpees and even full push ups! Feeling strong is such a beautiful thing to me right now especially when many of those people around me are expecting me to slow down and take it easy. If only people could see the actual benefits of starting active and strong as being the best thing mum’s and bubs. It’s a no brainer really. In saying that, I know my body and my limits and have been training consistently for some time.  I wouldn’t recommend the level of what I am doing to a first time mum who doesn’t train. You need to be active beforehand.

preggie mama shopping

Back to me, decided to treat myself this week and go wetsuit shopping as the hubby and I are going to go for a bit of a surf weekend away. I’m due a new wet tie as the last two pregnancies have worn it out. I ended up walking out of the shop with some nice training gear and toasty UGG boots for winter yay!

So, if you are a mama wanting to get fit and healthy then take it one step at a time. But don’t let other people’s perceptions of what is right put you off. Only you know.  Be happy, and be strong.

H 🙂