When things just don’t seem to be going your way.
Frustrated, anxious and even a bit angry, nah yeah, real angry.
Have you stopped to ask why?
Even more so, have you stopped to ask yourself what you are feeling?
More often than not when those days come around we are super busy, have an appointment we are late for, or a deadline we need to meet that you already went over and the kids or your spouse are just all up in your face and then you let rip!
OMG, yup, all hell breaks loose and cyclone Hiria is on the loose.
Then you feel crappy, deflated and guilty for taking it out on your family right?
Yep I’m speaking from experience here. And I have found I’m not alone in that. The more I talk about it the more I realise that actually it is quite normal.
Yay I’m normal I hear you say, ha ha.
Right on! Now comes the tricky bit.
What you do next is what really matters. That next right move. So you exploded because of all these things. Now you need to stop and ask yourself.
What am I feeling?
Know it, feel it, see it of what it is. An emotion that has cropped up from something. It’s not who you are.
Now ask, what am I resisting?
Because 99.9% of the time we blow up because we find ourselves in a situation we don’t want to be in, we are resisting it. That’s when ego has jumped in and our unconscious thoughts start making up all this crap that’s not even real.
So what is it you are resisting?
Give a few moments and the answer will pop into your head. You know what it is but you have let your ego cover it up for one reason or another. Ego and cover ups are a whole other blog! But just quickly it’s either to do with a front you are putting up or you are letting someone else’s shit cloud your way.
As soon as you ask those little questions and the answer comes as to what you are resisting and instant calm comes over you. Clarity, free space in your head to be able to deal with the situation in that moment.
On my instagram account I shared the following example,
While out surfing with my hubby one day, I caught the last wave of the day (for me). The swell was huge, messy and unpredictable.
I caught the wave and as I was making my bottom turn I could see I wasn’t going to make it. I tried to quickly do my bottom turn back up the face to get some speed but the wave closed out and smash I was stuck in the washing machine.
It was a six-foot face kind of day and I got pinned down. Imagine getting tumbled over and over, water is brown with sand and dark and you can’t feel the bottom. I panicked and for a split second could not work out which way was up.
And then from out of nowhere I had this feeling, to just stop. Stop resisting and fighting the water. I grabbed my leash and tugged it to make sure my board was still there and followed it back up. I scrambled back onto the tail and caught the next wave back in to shore.
The lesson for me was clear. Stop resisting. Resistance is a form of unconsciousness. It clouds our judgement and survival instincts. Nature has this awesome power of showing us lessons and I believe we need to be more open to them. From then on I have taken my lessons learned from the ocean and apply them to my daily life.
Another example, I was in a situation where I could no longer openly talk with my boss which made things difficult as I was the manager. Any problems I would have I had to find a way to deal with them on my own. That proved difficult because the majority of the issues were due to a lack of understanding of the tasks on the bosses part when setting up the work.
There was a particular day where I had a discussion with this person and from out of know where it all went crazy. I really could not understand what was going on.
Anyway, it made me flip out at home and get stressed out. I was resisting what was going on. I got caught up in the chaos of that situation and let it affect me, and my family.
So I asked myself those two questions. When I realised what it was I was able to step back from it and look at it with a more positive lens. And with aroha. I didn’t react and make things worse for the sake of winning.
Within hours I find the situation all sorted.
So two questions to ask,
What am I feeling?
What am I resisting?
These are bound to get you back onto a path of harmony and consciousness.
Over the last two years I have pulled together a number of strategies I use to ensure I live a more conscious life. They are in an easy PDF format to share. If you are keen to have a copy flick me an email email@example.com.
I truly believe that the more conscious we are the better our world will become.
Thanks again for following my journey,
#imagine #believe #achieve
Remember to find me on Facebook and instagram and give my page some love
I am woman.
I am mama.
I am wife.
I am sister.
I am daughter.
I am friend.
I am business owner.
I am role model.
I am athlete.
I am teacher.
I am Maori.
I am pakeha.
I am me.
This is my reality. And gosh when I line it up like that and think about all the different rules that come with wearing those hats, damn, I’m exhausted.
And where the hell did all these rules even come from?
Who the hell cares! I don’t want to waste any more precious time on that. It doesn’t serve me right now.
All I know is that for far too long I lived wearing these different hats with different rules and it was exhausting. I felt like I was working my butt off to please and not making any ground.
I know where I come from and that is enough. What matters is right now. Somewhere along the line we have become so caught up on the rules that we have forgotten whats really important. And that is who we are in all of this.
Growing up in a rural area, predominantly Maori was choice! I was comfortable to a degree in my own skin. All I had to worry about was being tall and skinny (that’s a whole other korero). After my mum passed and we moved back to Wanganui I went to a Girls college. It was then I experienced rasicsm for the first time. It really shaped how I stepped up as a Maori and person from here on in.
All through university and working as a school teacher and then as an advocate in public health I found I would make allowances for people who were not knowledgeable of my culture. I would watch how I acted and who I acted around for fear of coming across as too Maori. Because every time I got caught up in a heated debate the race card would be pulled by the non Maori participant as an excuse for me standing up for myself. It left me feeling helpless and boxed in.
There is a bright side! And I believe this has actually helped me to be the creative person I am today.
In business I have had people interview me about how I do business as a Maori. What does Maori business look like? And who decides that. I also had an instance where I was talking with a local government group where they wanted to work with Maori business but didn’t know where to start. I asked them, what is a Maori business?
They said well, umm. I don’t actually know. And I quickly stepped in to say, you are talking to one right now.
You see Maori business for me isn’t about the image, having a hardcore Maori looking logo or even a Maori name. That’s what they thought.
I told them that for me, a Maori business is driven by it’s guiding principles. A set of shared principles that Maori live by and incorporate into business. It is at the essence of how we operate as an individual and as a collective.
And it doesn’t stop there for me. It’s about taking all the rules, and working them to fit me and what I do. So it serves me, today! I am able to take the best of both cultures and thats why I am able to be as creative as I am.
As a mama, who’s rules do I live by there? Which side of me? I always struggled with knowing which foot to step forward with first. And I know many Maori can relate to this. Literally looking in the mirror and asking myself, am I Maori today? Or pakeha. How do I solve this problem? With a Maori lens, or a pakeha lens. This really used to get me down and I struggled with it for years. I’ve always sat on the fence because there was the pro Maori group that were all staunch and angry and then there was the I’m brown group but I’m not Maori who would do all that they could to escape being Maori. How will this impact on my kids? Do I send them to kohanga reo because they are Maori? Or do I send them to mainstream kindy so that I know they will get a better start in life. You see the conflict? I struggled to operate with both sets of rules, separately. I let myself be boxed in.
As an athlete I could be whatever I wanted. I made the rules. And I made rules that worked for me because it is such an individual thing. I was in control of what my mind and body does, how it moves. So why the hell couldn’t I take the strategies and rules in my training to fit other areas of my life?
Photos: Top left corner 9 1/5 months pregnant. Bottom left corner Winning Bronze Medal at Long Distance Nationals 4 days after tearing my achilies tendon. Right, 4 months pregnant competing in the NZ SUP Surfing Nationals and coming in second in my heat.
It was a case of taking in all those rules, sorting out which ones I thought actually served me and biffing the rest. My focus has always been on a holistic approach to living and that has been ingrained in me from my culture. But even as Maori we still box ourselves in. I’m on a mission to be true to myself. And that means across my whole life. A holistic approach to living. Eating good food, moving, being connected with self, nature, and being conscious or mindful. Only then will I truly be successful. This quote sums it up nicely for me.
“You can’t share your wisdom unless you come from a place of truth”
I came up with this quote while planning an exciting conference with a couple of other awesome ladies. Basically it means that you cannot stand true in your convictions unless you act as who you are, your inner self, being.
Now I’m not saying throw out all the rules. What I am saying is you need to find what works for you, don’t box yourself in and use rules as an excuse to not try. Because many of the rules we have today are outdated but we still live by them. Find what works while respecting your environment, work, family, business, healing.
As always thanks for tuning in,
#imagine #believe #achieve
P.S. If you know you are living by someone else’s rules and want to change that then drop me an email. I’m putting together a workshop on how to live by your own rules.
Follow me on Facebook or instagram if you want to take control of your life like I have done!
Last night I had the opportunity to share my journey with a room full of other beautiful woman. I was given 3 minutes to speak! How the hell do you get what you need to say across in 3 minutes? My brother made a comment that I would only just get through my pepeha and time would be up, egg lol. anyone who knows a little about Maori culture would understand that. Now is not the time to explain what pepeha is, thats for another blog, and an important one, but not now.
I decided not to write a speech. Instead, I waited till I got to the stage, looked at everyone, connected and then spoke.
What came out was raw, honest, straight to the point. And this was confirmed to me by the feedback I was given afterward, which I am thankful for.
My plan was to actually just go there and listen, really listen to everyone in the room. And not on a face value level. On a much deeper soul level. So I left my phone in my bag. No socila media updates in between talks or photos. This I believe we need to do more of. Listen with our whole being. You can’t do this while tutuing (mucking around) on your phone! That’s another blog post right there too!
Back to what I was saying…
I had an exhibit, and at my table I was asking women to share with me one quote or mantra that they use on the daily to get themselves ready to face the day. There was one in particular that stood out for me.
Two simple words, that used to stir up so much emotion for me. As a child growing up I towered over everybody else, including the boys. I really stood out and used to hunch over because I hated the attention. I felt awkward and gangly and was called so many names.
When I read that mantra stand tall, it made me stop and reflect for a moment, and then I felt love. Love for the lessons, love for this person who brought this message to me because she too was tall, and beautiful! So many ifs, and should have’s come to mind.
It took me back the hours leading up to this event. I was so busy, trying not to get too overwhelmed but starting to freak about what to wear. I’m still in a moon boot and I heard it was a red carpet evening and I was like, what the hell? Maybe I should just go casual? Just be me, because that’s what I’m about.
But, I was contradicting myself beacasue the emphasis of my talk was all about stepping up and being yourself, real. Not being a slave to the stupid hats or masks you have been collecting throughout your life. Not giving a damn what others think becasue at the end of the day you are giving up ‘living your best life’ by doing that. I need to remind myself of this often. It’s not easy being yourself. Its uncomfortable and it can make others around you feel uncomfrotable too. Sometimes it feels lonely, it really stretches the comfort zone out even further, its a little unfamiliar. But god damn when you do it, the feelings that follow are the best high you could ever want. Knowing you are standing in your own light, to be seen by those who need to see you. You uplevel, evolve and then become unstoppable. And, the people who really are there for you step forward into your light.
I didn’t realise that, being tall was actually my strength, my super power!
I thought F@#%* this I’m going to throw on a frock, shine bright tonight, ‘stand tall’ moon boot, beach hair and all!
From one tall mama to another I thank you because this I needed to feel. A new morning affirmation I made from this lesson is;
“my height helps me shine bright so that my message can be heard by those who need to hear it”
I am owning my super power like a mother!
Come on already and uplevel!
Own your super power like a mother and drop me an email firstname.lastname@example.org
As always, thank you for sharing in my journey and tuning in, much love
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