Where the heck am I going?

36 weeks

36 Weeks The countdown is on.

Kia ora everyone,

So yes it has been a while since I did a blog. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to keep up with a regular weekly blog when I first started but my belief is that I need to feel inspired before I can inspire others. I also need to be in a good space to be able to receive. Hence the lack of anything over the last couple of weeks.

Getting back to the topic, I used to be such a great planner and project manager. So organised, efficient, everything in its place.  But since I had kids that kind of went way out the window. As the years go by I have come to realise a few things and one of them is, that it is actually ok to always have a tidy house, it is better to spend time reading or cuddling your babies, or the washing can wait, the car can get a wash next week. All those things used to really do my head in if not sorted. Now that I have changed my focus to how I feel about my kids and things in general I spend more time appreciating the little things.  Like today, I just had lunch with my dad and it is probably the first time I haven’t rushed him or anything and we just sat there over lunch and talked. I’ve heard all his ‘stories’ before but not quite like today.  Today I really made an effort to just be in the moment and got to share in some really cool part of the stories I had missed all those times before.

It has been really hard to stay focussed and motivated at times through my pregnancy. Trying to keep my vision of making regionals (which is 5 weeks after I give birth) and having to deal with people thinking I’m crazy, or just pushing it too hard.   It is always hard to keep those voices at bay and some time that little bit of self doubt creeps in.  I know they mean well but honestly, I got this.  I am super grateful for my training buddy who knows I am a little cray cray anyway and she just keeps putting up with me.

So, for the last month I have been trying to work on my training plan, food plan, life plan in general and have decided to a vision board along with a couple of other cool little things to help me stay focussed. I truly believe that when we set our minds to something and visualise it, it will happen. it has worked in the past for me so I am going to get back into it again.

Project one is my vision board. It’s been great as I really need to narrow down what I want out of life and for my kids. And its given me a whole new zest for dreaming! It’s only part way there but i have added a photo as proof for you to see.

Draft vision Board

Draft vision board

The next is my gratitude journal which i need to work at really hard. By the time i get the kids into bed at night and then tidy the house I can’t be bothered with anything else. so that’s a work in progress.

The next is my lifestyle journal. It’s a fitness, training, eating diary all in one. The thing is, I learn’t a couple of years ago that to be in the best shape I thought i could be in I had to to reset my lifestyle, not just set weight goals or anything like that.  I see it is a way better method for achieving results. A weight loss goal always seemed like a sticky plaster to me and I used to struggle with all those ‘weight demons’ popping into my head and checking myself etc. Now that I am focussed on lifestyle and being the best athlete I can be in whatever sport I choose its so much easier. The self talk is all positive and the weight along with other things have just fallen into place. In my next blog i will have my board and diary sorted with all the little bits and pieces that help me throughout a day, week.

Motivation

Pages in my diary

I am really excited about where I am at right now and really looking forward to all the challenges that lie ahead.

Thanks for following my journey,

H 🙂

#imagine #believe #achieve

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Do you see things differently, too?

A great read on mindfulness. Love how Rachel has put it using art. Paintings are probably the perfect analogy for mindfulness and interpretation. Thanks for the post!

rachel dunlop

I was passing, and then I stopped.  There’s something special I notice about the scene.  I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is that captivates me – the architecture, the light, the viewpoint, but it does.  I have this experience every day with a telephone pole as I walk through the town of Aberystwyth.  Now this in itself might sound ridiculous and you may find yourself asking how can I possibly find beauty in something so…pedestrian? Truth is, I’m not entirely sure.  Each experience I have with the telephone pole is completely unique.  The light is always a little bit different, I’m a little bit different.  But alas, every day in my walk to the library I still stop for a moment.

It’s often remarked by family and friends that I’m extremely observant.  I notice colours in reflections, strange textures in tiles and make shapes in my mind…

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What Mask are you wearing today?

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Kia ora everyone!

OMG where has the time gone? I had a quiet week or two there for a moment. I let a few things pull me down a little.  Blame it on the pregnancy hormones who knows? I am now at 34 weeks! This brings me to my ramble for the day and what mask I am wearing. Last week was my ‘I’m ok’ mask. What’s yours?

In my last pregnancy I had my boy at 34 weeks. I ended up with shingles, a strain of chicken pox brought about by stress.  It was a pretty stressful time as we had our retail store then as well as our SUP School, our little girl and the many other projects I always have going on.

I noticed the pregnancy was harder than any of my others, it was a pretty dark time (not that anyone would have really known). Pretty good at keeping those things to myself. I thought that it would change once boy was born but it just got worse.  My depression just seemed to intensify. I wasn’t really coping at all and my family were starting to pay the price for it.  It has taken me nearly 3 years to get back on track to coping and setting new goals.

I live in an area where there is very high suicide rates for young and old. After watching Mike King on Maori TV last week in Rotorua talking about his journey and seeing all these teenagers sharing their feeling and hurt I felt i needed to say more on the topic. mike King is right, there is no one size fits all for people who suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies. So the current programmes are not really working. It needs to be individualised as that is where the problem lies.

Once you get into that dark hole it is really hard to get out of it. I have been to counsellors in the past and to see a doctor but nothing ever helped me. I don’t take medication because I truly believe that at the end of the day it’s my choice and I need to overcome those negative thoughts in my head. I am scared to take medication incase I get trapped in that vicious cycle.

What I have learned over the years is to have a mental backpack or kete of coping strategies ready for when I have a ‘down day’. The hardest thing for me has been to recognise the behaviour and deal with it right there and then before it gets out of hand.  It’s a work in progress. some of the tools in my ‘kete’ are positive affirmations, words, goals, places to go or physical things to do. This is where the my background in taekwondo comes in handy. a sign of depression is anger and I used to have a lot of that. Which is why I got into taekwondo.  I am a 1st Degree Black Belt and have had the opportunity to represent my country (New Zealand) at the world Champs. Over the years I scored me a few medals here and there at tournaments. That physical release of energy to a bag or person was what I needed. It helped me to deal with some of the ‘madness’ I was experiencing.  It was a full on lifestyle thought and that is where I picked up more coping strategies such as the Tenets of taekwondo which are rules that we live by, courtesy, Integrity, Perseverance, Self control and Indomitable Spirit. I still follow these today in everything I do. I guess they sat really well with me as a person of Ngati Porou descent and values such as manaaki, wairuatanga etc.

It is natural to see my connection to the ocean and its healing power too. I surf for freedom, healing, clarity and vision. The ocean has such an awesome way of schooling you up. And I’ve always thought that if my life was to end early it would be to the ocean. She hasn’t taken me yet so that says something to me about being grateful for my life and the things I need to do.

Fast forward to today, I can’t say that I know everything and I don’t pretend to.
All I know is my life experience and the strategies that I have used and adapted over time to get to where I am today. I am always learning and know that sharing knowledge is the best thing we can do.  The discussion on depression needs to be out there. In saying that I have no idea how people will take it from me but I’ve learned not to worry about what other people say as it doesn’t matter. I am better than that and have goals and dreams to focus on and I will not let anyone or anything get in the way of that.

If you haven’t heard from a friend in a while, contact them and ask them how they are going. but most importantly, listen to them. Don’t try to give advice, just LISTEN. when a person is at their deepest, advice can make it worse.

If there is anything you can take from this please let it be, imagine, believe, achieve either for yourself or someone else.  you won’t know that someone is suffering unless they tell you. Mauriora,

H 🙂

#imagine #believe #achieve

#yourchoice

Pregnancy: 32 weeks

Ko Mauao te Maunga

Ko Mauao te Maunga

It’s week 32 now and I’m feeling a bit blah.  I tutor waka ama (outrigger canoeing) two weekends out of a month and have to travel 3 hr return trip to do this.  I also try to balance running my own paddle business (Eastcoast Paddler Aotearoa) back home and my two little babies as well as trying to maintain contact with my eldest boy at uni. And of course there are other projects on the side that I am involved in.

You see, I am so passionate about paddling and sharing the stoke of surfing and paddling I can’t help myself.  I get so caught up in doing all these other things I forget about myself sometimes. This is where my training helps me to relax believe it or not. but this last week I have been so tired from the last weekend wananga (camp) that I haven’t been able to join my 5am club at all this week.  Throughout this pregnancy I have felt that keeping up my training has actually helped to increase my energy levels, but I do need to make sure I get enough sleep. In pregnancy you tend to start to have weird dreams and all sorts of things going on and usually training holds those off for me.  But OMG this week has been a shocker. I just can’t get out of bed before 6:30am now.  you may laugh as that will seem early enough for many of you but I’m a morning person, not a night owl. That’s when I am at my best.

So I’ve been sitting at my desk all week trying to think about the blogs and website updates I need to do and I have nothing.  Brain is on holiday. So this is all I have for you.  At least it is real. I am less than two months away from my due date now and getting really wired about that. So many feelings going on. Excited, scared, all sorts. Its good though. Shows me I’m alive.

Managed to get on the water last night for a tough sprint session with my training buddy. Really thankful to have her alongside through all this. It was just what i needed.  Of course she smoked me on the water but that’s ok. I have learnt not to compare myself but to wholly focus on myself and what I am doing in the moment .That’s where my improvements will come from.  Once I have baby though look at people!

I would love to hear from other people about how you cope with off weeks.  We all have them. The key is to just acknowledge and not let yourself get down in the dumps about I think. Listen your body and mind.

Thanks for following my journey.

H 🙂

#imagine #believe #achieve