Nga piki me nga heke, ups and downs and all around….

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Wow, March was the last time I posted! I knew it had been a while but didn’t realise it had been that long. Goes to show just how quick this year is going.

It’s been an interesting few months for me. Loads of ups and downs, as is life. I have truly been surfing those! For this post I want to focus on some of the key things I have noticed about me and others.

I have found that when I am on an up, and feel like I am shining bright like a star, I seem to attract loads of attention and find more people that I haven’t heard from in ages try to reconnect with me.

On the other hand, when I am a bit low, its just me, no one else around. I could sit here all day and analyse it in so many ways and hypothesise why but at the end of the day if I look at it simply. Light attracts light!

I enrolled in a life coaching course a month or so ago and its been fantastic. I thought it was pretty cheesy to start off with and some of the activities I have had to work through seemed counterproductive. But in reflection (as I type this actually) I can see how much i have grown.

From where I sit right now it’s hit home that it’s me. I have known for a long time and advocated ideas like ‘the choice is yours’ blah blah blah but is never really hit me like it has just now. So much so its compelled me to share it with you all.

My journey has been amazing, lots of lightbulb moments, learning and sharing. Last weekend I attended a weekend noho (course of learning) and had those lightbulb or ‘ako’ moments. I had many conversations outside of the formal classroom that just seemed too profound and organised as they answered questions I have been searching for. They were the kinds of things that put the hairs up on the back of your neck when you know that your life is playing out as planned. In this weekend I found a new appreciation for myself, and experience growing up. It shed a whole new light on things for me moving forward and has given me a confidence I never knew i had. I finally felt like the starts were aligning.

I also attended an event focussed on the journey of two awesome, inspiring local woman with a couple of dear friends. something I wouldn’t normally go to (unless it was Oprah of course). Again it was an evening of affirmation for me, solidifying I am on the right path.

However, today I woke up totally on the wrong side of the bed. My baby girl has changed her sleep patterns and no longer sleeps through the night. She has decided that she will wake a couple times in the night now and usually about an hour before i’m due to get up to train. It has meant I miss my usual morning training sessions which is one of my key strategies for keeping my sanity. It’s been a really tough day and I have internalised and focussed on all the ‘bad’ things. Argh, why can’t it be easier? Why does being positive have to be so dammed hard? Well I think I have finally found my answer. It’s not, it’s just that I enjoy being angry and upset. When I miss out on my training sessions being angry and upset encourages the hormone release I would normally get from training. sounds a bit crazy right. If not crazy, it’s stupid! Deep down I know that if I just made the decision to be happy then it would be ok but I end up having this internal conflict. It’s draining and I end up so tired and if Im not careful it’s not long before the black dog comes out to play. I am a lot better than I used to be and pick up on the signs a lot quicker. I don’t rely on anyone else to help me either because I have realised through my life that if I do that it’s not me making the choice.

So, what snaps me out of this cycle? Usually a workout but today a friend of mine posted a video on Facebook and along with a couple of other posts I realised I’m being stupid and it reminded me of my goals. I remembered this quote told to me on the weekend;

Ka ware te ware
Ka area te rangatira
hongihongi the whewheia
hongihongi te manehurangi
Kei au te rangatiratanga

Ignorance is the oppressor
Vigilance is the liberator
Know the enemy
Know the destiny
Determine our own destiny

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This whakatauaki or proverb was used to support some korero (talk) that we were having over the weekend. The wahine who used it totally blew me away. It was my lightbulb moment.

Our ancestors were so intelligent and their language beautiful. It is hard for me to explain right now but I hope to one day soon. I am on a journey of rediscovery in more ways than one and are totally open to what lays ahead. That in itself has to be a good thing.

Just a wee reminder that this is an outlet for me to follow my own growth and gives me some accountability to myself. If you find anything in here helpful then that is a bonus.

Mauriora,

Hiria 🙂

#imagine #believe #achieve