Am I worthy? Who am I? What am I doing?
How the fuck did I get back here? I had done all the work. Self love, acceptance, forgiveness. I had fixed myself…
I’ve been sick and when I get sick I mean can’t get out of bed styles.
When I’m like that (which hasn’t been for a long time) I get really vulnerable, emotions run high, and all those old insecurities creep back in.
I’ve also noticed,
When I get doubt like this,
There is big change coming.
I sense it all around me, and its scary asf!
Its enough to send me into a spin of overwhelm if I’m not careful. Which it did.
I have to make the choice.
To stay in my comfort zone, which for a person as driven as me is hard to do,
Or I lean into it, not knowing what will happen but to be open to it and learn.
I am driven,
I want to be my best,
Which means I will go through things faster and more intense.
And I will probably fuck things up along the way,
But will keep trying…
Because I know that my desire to be my best outweighs any insecurities or fears I have, and it is a process not an end point.
It’s scary asf!
Waking up each day and finding out what I am capable of excites me more!!!
P.S. Thankful for this space of rest to tune back into who I am, and what I am here to do. That is to Live life the best damn way possible and make a positive contribution to my communities, world.