For the first time in a long time I woke up doubting myself…

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Reminding myself that being my best is a journey, not an end point. That’s the beauty of life, always growing x

Am I worthy? Who am I? What am I doing?

How the fuck did I get back here? I had done all the work.  Self love, acceptance, forgiveness.  I had fixed myself…

I’ve been sick and when I get sick I mean can’t get out of bed styles.

When I’m like that (which hasn’t been for a long time) I get really vulnerable, emotions run high, and all those old insecurities creep back in.

I’ve also noticed,

When I get doubt like this,

There is big change coming.

I sense it all around me, and its scary asf!

Its enough to send me into a spin of overwhelm if I’m not careful. Which it did.

I have to make the choice.

To stay in my comfort zone, which for a person as driven as me is hard to do,

Or I lean into it, not knowing what will happen but to be open to it and learn.

I am driven,

I want to be my best,

Which means I will go through things faster and more intense.

And I will probably fuck things up along the way,

But will keep trying…

Because I know that my desire to be my best outweighs any insecurities or fears I have, and it is a process not an end point.

It’s scary asf!

But,

Waking up each day and finding out what I am capable of excites me more!!!

#live-epic

Hiria x

P.S.  Thankful for this space of rest to tune back into who I am, and what I am here to do.  That is to Live life the best damn way possible and make a positive contribution to my communities, world.

 

 

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Don’t box me in…

IMG-7792I’m not here to impress anyone, but myself.

I was sitting by the waters edge discussing life with a good friend and salt sister of mine when a bird flew by.

It reminded me of when I was a little girl.

I used to walk up Kahuitara, the maunga/hill on our farm, and just lay in the grass watching the Hawks soar above.

There was just something about them that captivated me.  So graceful, effortless, not a care in the world.  Plunging at just the right moment to catch their prey.

It resonated with something inside me.  A feeling of more, freedom, purpose.

Somewhere along the way I had stopped living this way….. I know what did it.  But just didn’t realise the impact till now.

I’m thankful for this little bird that flew by…. Reminding me of my sense of purpose and having courage to see it through, enabling me to step forward with confidence.  Detaching from everyday worries…  The Hawk shows me how to renew and rejuvenate, by plunging at just the right moment into the lake of the heart, my truth…

So, know that I do what I do for me, my way.

What you see is what you get. I’m not into making myself look a certain way to get your attention.  Content is key for me.  I give my time to those who are serious about change, and taking imperfect action….

If thats you, then thats brilliant.

If not, you know what to do x

As always, thank you for your support and encouragement.  If this resonates with you let me know.  Or if you think someone needs to hear this pass it on.

Hiria x

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been sitting on this blog for about two weeks….  

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4:30am Gym session…. because I love myself more than the BS I spin to myself….

Because this is the exact space I’ve been in…  Trying to decide if I run and hide, or face my shit.

I have moments where I just want to run and hide.  But they don’t happen as often as they used to.

When I feel like that though,

I know its because I don’t want to face the truth that’s in front of me… and usually my part in it…. Usually when I get tired on my commitment to things,  or people and feel like I’m being taken for granted.

“It’s what I’ve always done, so might as well keep doing it”.  Plays over in my head when I think this way…

But I quickly remind myself that I can’t think like that anymore.  Not if I really want to achieve all I want to do.  That feeling deep inside me, has turned into a roar, and is urging me to hurry the fuck up and live life the way I really want to, EPIC!!!

No more 50% BS, but full throttle, living on the edge where it scares the hell out of me but gives me that adrenalin rush too.

Its easy to blame everyone else, and say this is my reality.

But the thing is,

Your personality determines your reality.

So if you want better,

You need to think better.

Which will eventually make you act better.

It’s still hard, and I still have moments where I want to say F*#K it,  but now that I’ve seen what is possible when I do.  It makes it all worthwhile.

I try to ask myself everyday, how can I be better?

The thoughts it provides make for some creative action.

I’m putting in place some Harden the fuck up rituals to make sure I stay focussed and achieve all that I want to.

Who do you want to be today?

Hiria x

#imagine #believe #achieve

Thanks as always for your encouragement.  Know someone who needs to hear this, pass it on x

 

Fallen…. Time to face the truth

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I haven’t been myself lately….

The only way to describe it is that I feel like I have fallen, back down into the daily drama of life.

And it sucks.  It has a cold, grey haze to it.  Like a mist. Where I can’t see the vision.

I feel like,

The beginning of that sentence says it all…. I feel….. I have begun to identify with my outer form, my humanness, and have forgotten about just ‘being’.

Not sure how the hell I ended up back here…. and I’ve gone round and round trying to work out why.

I stopped doing all the things that keep me grounded and focussed. And got caught up in other peoples stuff.  You can see it in the language I use, my body language, and even my posts lately.  I havent even posted any videos for months as I just dont have the motivation or inspirational flow that I’m used to.  As if my energy has been drained.

The truth is,  I dont feel aligned to my values.  Even though it may seem like that on the outside.

I’ve found I’ve let myself get caught up in what other people think, and also in my image.

Until today, when I remembered, the why is not important.

It’s what I do from here that matters.

You see, that’s were I got stuck last time…. Concerned with the why, playing a victim, holding on to past hurt and pain and playing it over and over in my head.

And every time I feel threatened, I’m reminded of that feeling and go into protection mode which presents itself as anger.  And if someone triggers me, I will try to make them feel small, to make myself feel better.

I went to journal last night and stopped.

My thoughts were ‘I don’t want to write, because I don’t want to accept how I feel’.

Its scary, but it’s also pretty empowering because I see that I have enough awareness to recognise something is up.

Writing helps me to heal myself.  And is the reason I started my blog almost 3 years ago, maybe four?

So, how do I get back into my flow?

I stop identifying with form, my identity as a mum, wife, coach, friend, and I just be.  Doing what I do because I can, not for rewards, or ego.  But because that’s what the activity demands.  No extra thought.  Just going all in.

I miss that clarity of colour that comes with being present.  It’s so much brighter.

When I sit in that space I feel stronger, my decisions are on point, and I feel at peace.

I can ‘feel’ the goosebumps now as I write this, and slip back into presence.  Its beautiful, its freeing, and I feel like I can achieve anything.

This is where my inspiration comes flows from.  That connectedness to all things.  Seeing beyond what the eyes see, feeling, knowing that oneness.

I’m going to leave it there.  Because that’s all that is needed…. Just be….

Hiria x

#livepure #beyourbest

 

Forty and feeling absolutely fabulous AF!

I turned 40 years old yesterday! And I feel great.

I’m not concerned with age like I used to be.

Living life trying to cram as much as possible into it before I die.

I don’t aim to retire either. Because to do so would be to give up on life.

My purpose is to simply be me, to be present and ware in everything I do.

Because I know that honouring the small, I am honouring this gift of life.

#livepure #beyourbest #askhiria

Don’t get sucked in….stay in your lane

This is more a reminder for me than anyone else.

I’ve noticed recently that I have got caught up in the social media ruse!!!!

Every where I look right now its all bog booties exercises,

Rock hard abs, and tiny waists.

I have been needing to write up my new programme for my next paddle goal but have been totally distracted by all this info and built up some FOMO!!!!

Its so easy though right, to get distracted or sucked in to thinking that is the way to be or train.

Lucky for me I have enough awareness these days to listen to that little voice, knowing inside that is feeling me to wake up lol and get back with the programme.

Although this body image is beautiful,

It doesn’t fit my goal in anyway.

So back in my lane, focussed on how I want to feel, Faster, fitter, stronger and consistently making good decisions.

How can my body not end up looking gorgeous with a focus like this right?

What I know for sure is that when you take ‘body image’ out of the picture it leaves space for real hunger and motivation to succeed.

What do you reckon?

#livepure #beyourbest #askhiria

 

I hear them Karanga….

In that moment,

Of discomfort,

Uncertainty, sadness, hurt, anger

I hear them karanga,

My tipuna,

My atua, calling me.

I feel shame and guilt, as did Hinetitama when she found out who her real father was (go google the story to learn more).

I see my shift into depression as that transition from Hinetitama to Hine-ahu-one, goddess of death.  A period of mourning, protection, of what is left.

I have always known the answers for life, living are in nature.

I just didn’t pay enough attention to them when I was younger, choosing instead to get caught up in society’s standardisation of living and who we are supposedly meant to be.

I feel that churning in the pit of my stomach,

A fire is building,

And I know that it has the potential to great things,

But also vey bad things if not handled with care.

I am being called for a reason, and instead of ignoring it like I used to, I feel it is time,

To stop, and let be what will be.

Only then will I be able to see what is needed without my emotions clouding my judgement.

Making that decision to surrender is tough.

But I feel a little lighter already having accepted it.

Hiria x

#Livepure #beyourbest #askhiria

 

 

 

3 Tips to making your fear work for you

That moment when you are frozen in fear you can’t move.

That was me this week trying out a ski I haven’t been in for years.

I was literally so afraid of falling in it paralysed me, and if I had of stayed in that state,

Yup you guessed it, I would have fallen in.

The key is not to stop fear,

because in doing so you miss some key learning and progression with your skills.

Here are my 3 tips for making your fear work for you.

  1. Remind yourself of the big picture.  For me it was being able to paddle from one end of the bay to the other.  Originally I would have said without falling in.  But the thing is, when you focus solely on falling in, you miss the chance to workout how far you can push your boundaries and balance, and testing your reaction skills.  I also found that focussing on not falling in jeopardise my stroke as it would make me unconsciously drop the reach shorter and pull back further (which is dumb because that is exactly what will make you fall in).
  2. Acknowledge FEAR, because it leads to courage when you choose to persevere and that propels your progression.
  3. Dig a bit deeper.  I use fear these days to tell me what I’m avoiding or missing.  I’ve become so in tune with my wellbeing that when something isn’t right it’s usually because I’m resisting something.  In this case its ego.  Of being like a beginner all over again and that fear of people seeing me fail.  Once I rationalised it back to the need to fall out it made sense again and I was back in my happy place.

#askhiria #beyourbest #livepure

Reality sucks, when hits. Time for me to step up

God damn,

I thought I had my shit together,

Not giving a stuff about what others thought of me and all.

Until I realised I wasn’t actually living as authentically as I thought I was.

You see,

I realised just now that when it comes to my own club,

I don’t practice what I preach!

For the same reasons most of you let things slide in your crew, club.

Feel like I don’t know enough,

I haven’t been at the club long enough to change things,

I need to respect my elders.

BS!!!!

That’s what I would tell any of you.  Ha ha.  so there it is!

I’ve always felt really strongly about not just jumping in a canoe and paddling.

EVERYONE does it. And when I get there, I follow the heard like a sheep.

But I know our club would really progress if we just took the time to stop.

I mean look at golfers, swimmers, boxers, martial artists

They all practice drills more often than not.

When I was competing in Taekwondo it was all drills, even for sparring.

We never just got in the ring and went for it.

So this is me, stepping up and being that person I say I want to be.  Time to make some change.

How about you?

#askhiria #livepure #beyourbest

 

You have all you need to be where you want to be

I know when shit hits the fan you want to run for cover,

Or be rescued by your partner, hubby, friend, parent.

What I know for sure is when you do not accept what is happening (denial),

It will keep coming back until you face it.

As uncomfortable as it may get, that emotion, feeling will be a lot shorter than choosing to sit in the anguish you put yourself through over and over from not facing up to whatever it is.

Anytime I feel lost, overwhelmed, frustrated by a person, situation I ask myself “Where am I right now”, this immediately pulls me back into the present (the only place I can make anything happen).

Then I ask, “what am I resisting” and dig deeper beneath the initial thoughts and feelings to see if thats the truth. I usually find its more than what I am letting myself see at first.

From there I am able to make a better decision because I know whats driving the emotion.

And I always give gratitude for that awareness because I know its a gift to be able to sit in a conscious state in this fast paced world we live in.

#livepure #askhiria#beyourbest