Not many people like to confront their fears, because they already know the answer and are purposely ignoring or resisting it.
This is where all troubles begin. And its this stuff that blocks you (subconsciously) on the water.
From this point we create stories to keep us safe and protect ourselves in our little bubble.
Eventually we wake up one day, realise we have hardly any mates, or the ones we do have just don’t do it for you, you are in a place you can’t stand and a job you hate.
All because you turned away your true feelings because you were too afraid to deal with it.
That’s why I’m here.
To call you out. And walk through it with you.
I’m not about massaging your ego…. I want you to make the real gains because I know it will have such an impact on your life and in return, on others therefore leading to a happier more peaceful world, the DREAM.
Sometimes you need that one person in your life who will give it to you straight. I ask you the tough questions and also give you the tough answers.
Here are some real questions from real people who I have had to answer.
“No matter how hard I try to be uplifting and motivating I just can’t get any more out of my crew, and there is one person in particular that manages to undermine some of the women’s progress. Our coach is pretty great and does his best but we just don’t improve no matter what he tries or how he trains us. I find I am really starting to struggle with this and am losing the love of it.”
Ok, I can totally understand where you are because I’ve been there and experience this every now and then with my role at our club.
It’s a decision you have to make based on your values.
Here’s some advice I gave my hubby who was struggling with something that didn’t sit with him too, it may help.
Every time you do or participate in something that does not align with you, your values, your health, your truth – you lose a piece of your soul.
Sounds dramatic but it’s true. You end up doing things for others that don’t fill your cup first and we can never serve our best when we are not our best.
Do what feels right for you.
It will feel scary like you are cutting everyone out but you know deep down the answer. Doesn’t mean it’s forever.
“So keen to know how u deal with it and I think I might be the hater tho…. How much is too much talking in the waka ? Cause I find constructive is fine, but to much be more than 1 person continuous for long paddles gets me worked up… I’m and ova thinking so I try to calm my mind and quiet it down in the 1st couple of km to warm into to the feel of it but I’ve been battling with this because of all the talking in the waka I’m not able to hit the zone it’s frustrating and I’m pissed because I can’t shut them out…..help”
Kia ora ehoa. I hear you on the talking in the waka. There really needs to be a conversation around this prior to taking to the water so everyone knows the expectation and impact talking has on motivating paddlers. It basically comes down to what works best for the crew. Have a good conversation around it, not just a yep no kind of one. For yourself, its more about looking into what is it that winds you up so much. Is it a particular person, voice, or words? See if it’s pushing your buttons in any other way too just to make sure that it isn’t just you being a hater. Said with lots of love x
My question is…. the crew dynamic, I thought, was really dependant on how you bond off the water, pre race and post race. But in the moment when 1 person has had the negativity and poured it onto crew (during race) by making remarks such come on they bloody passed us or 3 you’re not pulling! I get they are frustrated. My thinking is I need to be more encouraging, talk to them, ask for the little things in a way not shrieking at them. However after the race I’m always the bad guy, the other person not pulled up, 4 of the 6 crew agree with the negative person, I feel belittled to the point I no longer paddle since moving. How do you pick yourself up from that? It wasn’t one race it was at least 4 races. It took my joy from paddling how do I come back from that?
Ok, so first things first, we can’t change people, no matter hard we try. It’s an uphill battle and honestly you should not be wasting your time. I believe this is a part that is always overlooked in crews for paddling, well waka ama at least. There needs to be a conversation on what makes paddlers tick, some need that aggressive push while others need calming down. This is why we end up with tension in the crew under pressure. It’s sad that it got to this point for you. Its something a good coach encourages…. but if its paddlers coaching that can be hard too. It’s a huge culture shift that needs to happen as we shift from social paddling to competition… You are so not alone in your story and I’m hoping that by being able to talk about all this your experience and story will help change that culture… when you have clarity from the start, expectations, on same page the crew are then able to deal with this stuff…. Just know that it wasn’t all your fault….
“Hiria, what’s your tips for dealing with crap going on amongst paddlers in the club. It’s hard to cut them loose but it’s hard to put up with the rubbish talk and the know it all – I try to stay mutual but that sometimes is harder because you seem to become everyone’s go to person. Basically I fee like I need to trust the crew. I want to be part of the solution not the problem.”
This is such a common question I get asked. And its tough. I always come back to yourself. Because that is all you have control over. What is your definition of mutual? Do you mean by saying you are not taking sides, or by saying nothing at all? Check your behaviour, your energy, your judgements. Make sure you are not part of the problem. By allowing yourself to be present when the trash talk is happening and not speaking up to it, you are encouraging it. This is something that needs to be put in its spot as it happens. It’s a hard one but the more you do it the easier it gets. Don’t worry about any judgements other people may or may not make against you. At the end of the day, you know what is right and what is not, thats all that matters.
I’m starting my MAY Intake of The Outrigger Boot camp later in the month and are looking for ten paddlers to join me.
Over the 8 weeks I will work with helping you see and believe what you truly are capable of doing by sharing my daily strategies and hacks for mindset, technique and life.
If you are serious about making change, then you need to change something. ‘If you are ready to go all in, then drop me an email or PM me.
Not convinced? Check out what one of my past paddlers said about the boot camp,
“I signed up for Boot camp mindset for paddlers, rather nervously I might add (this is Hiria after all) and thought I might not make it all the way through the Bootcamp physical side of things, but I came out the end of the eight or so weeks with so much, so many gains lol and a loss. 4.5kg that I didn’t need has gone and that’s just the beginning. The past eight weeks with Hiria has opened my eyes, my mind, my heart even more, and my waka whanau connection. Any wander why I love this sport. Thank you Hiria for my growth in all things waka. Love to you girl, you Rock”
P.S If anything in here has resonated with you please share as you may be doing some else a favour by doing so.
P.S.S If you had an aha moment, Id love to hear about it. drop me a PM or if you have the courage share it to my facebook page.
Hiria Rolleston Mindset Trainer – to help take you to the next level in your paddling, and life
Hiria Rolleston on insta – follow my journey to make every stroke count by affirming my whakapapa, connection to people, places and things.
Drop me an Email to book your spot on the bootcamp x